Step 1: Get Up Off the Floor

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Tommy and I celebrated our first anniversary this past weekend! We spent a few days exploring the city, having dinners, seeing movies, and celebrating each other.  We ate our year old frozen cake, and read the time capsule advice written by our friends. Our first year together was not at all what we expected, but was full of love.

When I look back on our first year together, I mostly see laughter.  You wouldn't think, given the year we've had that laughter shines across the highlight reel, but it's true! I married the funniest person I know, and I stand by this being the requirements for a union. "Do you take so and so to be your husband, and promise to make them laugh every single day?" I like this version.

I'm often asked how we stay positive through the difficult days. This question always takes me back to a specific moment where I found my self sobbing in a ball on our bathroom floor. Not quite the image of optimism or strength, but it's where it started.

It was a week or two after diagnosis. I had already been through the petrified phase, had swung into the strong, optimistic wife phase, and then found myself looking for the next phase which, unexpectedly was: hollow, weak, and emotionally ransacked on the bathroom floor phase. Where do we go from here?  Fear of the unknown consumed me. I felt drained in every way, and couldn't move.

It is easy to push dark thoughts aside when you're bouncing from appointment to appointment, calling supportive family members, and going about your productive, sunny day. It's not as easy to push them aside when the day quiets down, and the doubts and anxieties start pushing you down instead.

It was in this debilitated state that a voice said, "Get up off the floor." Quiet at first, but then strong enough to make me lift my head. Then powerful enough to make me stand up. Then deeply enough to make me take off my makeup, and walk down the hall, and go to bed. I woke up the next morning knowing all I had to do was keep moving. Get up off the floor, and keep moving.

Essentially a long way to say, 'the bad days are not here to stay". It may seem like a never-ending cloud, but it's not. You will not believe the things you will overcome if you just keep trying. Get up off the floor, keep moving, and keep trying. You don't even have to be 'positive' or 'strong' about it- just move, and the momentum and positivity will follow. The movement might take you somewhere you never expected you could go. Have a tip on keeping positive? Comment below!

Jessica Walker